hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
