My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
