this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We need to get me chipped asap
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
