Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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