Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
