Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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