your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
