that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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