So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
