I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
