Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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