She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
