is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
