Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have aggressive nipples.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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