your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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