2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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