Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
