Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would fuck him just for his dog
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
