We're facebook friends in real life
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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