only you would photoshop your dick
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
