hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
