when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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