we have officially lost it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
