where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
