So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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