loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
