false alarm. still invincible.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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