So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
