Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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