Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this hospital has no fireball
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize