Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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