i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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