matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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