I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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