i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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