Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
