she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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