Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
