I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...