i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this