I puked a lego.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
