this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
