Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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