I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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