I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
