Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
