I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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