I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
