What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
