Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
