I bet he comes in French.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
