I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
