I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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