We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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