HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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