Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
