We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
