she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The adults are the big ones right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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