i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
